he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
