Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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