I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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