Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
