"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
