I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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