I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
