she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
