Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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