I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
