ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
