Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
