ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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