P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
