Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.