I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize