I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
