If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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