Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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