i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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