Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
