considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
