Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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