How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
