a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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