i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i out mim tonsoeep
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize