I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
a search helicopter?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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