They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sober January is a disaster.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
