I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
