I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
