Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
