I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize