I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
