Your dad touched me again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
