I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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