Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
