My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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