The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
