the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
