You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
