We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
