Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
