Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
