if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
