Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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