wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
