Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
