It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
