just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
