I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
