wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
