we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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