Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
