are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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