I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
