shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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