I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
