omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
