I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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